You may have seen this before.  Apologies if you had.  For those of you 
who haven't, it's quite a giggle.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Spock:  The question is most illogical. I fail to see why any rational
	being would take the time and energy necessary to ponder this
	question.

Kirk:   But Spock, ... you see ... that chicken ... that chicken HAD to
	cross that road.  It was inevitable. It's that ... that desire to
	explore new worlds ... to face one's destiny ... to look to the
	future ... it's that spirit that binds all creatures of this
	universe into one ... one living, breathing organism that will
	continue to grow, to ... change ... from now to eternity.

McCoy:  How in the hell should I know why some damn chicken would want to
	cross some damn road! I'm a doctor, not an animal psychologist! But
	I'll tell you this: if that chicken did cross that road, she didn't
	make it. No, she's dead, Jim.

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Scotty: Well, you see, Cap'n, that wee chicken was giving it all she's
	got. She couldn't go any faster across that road!

Uhura:  Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Sarek:  Forgive me, but I cannot answer that, for my logic fails me where 
	chickens are concerned.

V'Ger:  To join with the Creator.

Picard: Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's her fundamental right 
	as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which she
	travels towards her goals!

Riker:  Chicken?! Crossing the road?! What the HELL is going on?!

Data:   I do not have enough information to accurately predict why a
	chicken would want to cross a road. I can only calculate that the
	probability of a chicken crossing a road as opposed to remaining in
	one place or moving in a different direction would be approximately
	57.4738498%. However, I can give approximate responses as others
	might have answered this question in the past. For example, Plato
	would have said it was for the greater good, whereas Karl Marx
	would have considered it an historical inevitability. Machiavelli
	would have responded that it was so that its subjects would view it
	with admiration, as a chicken which had the daring and courage to
	boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them had
	the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In
	such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Thomas
	de Torquemada would have stipulated, "Give me ten minutes with the
	chicken, and I'll find out." Timothy Leary would have slowly said,
	"Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment will let it
	take ... "

Troi:   It was running...running from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was
	fleeing from such PAIN!

Lwaxana: To meet the handsome rooster on the other side.

Crusher: I can't determine any medical reason the chicken would cross the
	road, but perhaps it had family on the other side. There are many
	reasons for an animal to behave this way. Perhaps we could talk
	about it over a cup of tea, Jean-Luc.

Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems
	and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal
	whootchacallit on the computers and...

Barclay: Uh, chicken?! Where?! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my
	p-problem with small feathered things?

Worf:   The chicken had to cross the road to avoid shame! It would be
	dishonorable for it to remain when it could confront life like a
	warrior.

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be 
	assimilated.  

Tasha:  That depends...was it...fully functional?

Picard: There are FOUR lights!

Q:      Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't
	be able to comprehend the answer.

Sisco:  I don't care WHY it was crossing the road! All I want to know is 
	why it left the coop! There is only so FAR that my tolerance will
	go!

Odo:    I don't know, but if the chicken crossed the road, it was up to no 
	good. I'd better investigate.

The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You
	sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! Inconceivable!

Sisko:  It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned
	from all this?

Jake:   Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Dax:    To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me,
	Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...

Janeway: I know it's weird for a chicken to cross a road with no reason, 
	but for a chicken, weird is just part of the job.

Chakotay: I don't know, but I can tell you an ancient legend of my people
	about a similar bird who crossed a deep chasm between two rocky,
	snow-covered mountains. This warrior bird was very angry, and the
	only way it thought it could obtain peace was to cross that chasm.
	It was captured by a very wise, very beautiful female bird who ...

Janeway: Enough, Chakotay. Your bird is not crossing my chasm!

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in
	this quadrant. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't
	even know we added chickens to the crew.  All I know is that it
	would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the
	road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

Tuvok:  That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer.
	It makes the junior officers nervous.

Kes:    It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed
	roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped
	using them!

Gene Roddenberry: To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.


ANNA, who's sure some of the umtss'ers could add a few to this.  :)

http://www.plsys.co.uk/~anna
I'm a TOSser and proud of it.

Quark:  Must have been a sound profitable venture, either that or Odo was
	walking toward's him.

Rom:    I I I it was nothing to do with me, it was my brother's fault.

Kira:   Was it a Cardassian chicken? If it was I'd tear it's wings off
	and boil it alive, then I'd.....

O'Brien: Look, I've got this power conduit to fix on deck 17... ask Keiko.

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Tasha Yar: Captain, I recommend extreme caution, this chicken could
	compromise the security of the ship.

Morn:                              .

Chekov: Ah, I believe this is an old Russian joke about a chicken from
	Moscow.......

Red-shirt: Don't worry sir, I'll get the chicken....aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

Kai Winn: The chicken crosses the road because it is the will of the
	Prophets.
           
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