Bohemian Toastedy
 To The Tune Of "Bohemian Rhapsody"
 Original song (c) 1975 Freddie Mercury
 Lyrics (c) 1996 Brenda Daverin

 (Lines flush to the left are Talkie Toaster's. Lines five spaces in are
 Lister's.)

 Would you like toast now,
 I know you're hungry,
 Muffins or crumpets,
 All fixed up in a snap, you'll see.
 I make great toast,
 That isn't a boast, you'll see!

 I'm just a toaster,
 I need some sympathy,
 Because it's toast me this, toast me that,
 Even stuff that isn't flat.
 Anything that's bready,
 Doesn't really matter to me,
 To me.

      No thanks.
      I don't want some toast.
      I just like vindaloo
      Lots of curry, chilli too,
      No thanks,
      I just don't eat toast.
      No idea why I bought you anyway.
      Toaster, ooh-oo-oo-ooh...
      I don't eat any bread
      Unless it's soaked in beer or curry paste
      Curry paste,
      Curry paste,
      Cause that's all that really matters.

 Come on,
 Please have some toast.
 Have a crumpet or a scone,
 Can't eat butter all alone.
 Come on, David Lister,
 It's my life, you see,
 Gotta make you up some toast
 To have with tea.
 Lister, ooh-oo-oo-ooh...
      Toaster, would you shut up?
 Please don't make me sad,
 I've just got to toast you something or go mad.

 Have just a little bitty slice off of a loaf,
 Just a slice,
 Just a slice,
 With some jam or just butter,
 Muffins, tarts or crumpets,
 Very, very tasty stuff!
 Maybe waffles,
 Maybe waffles,
 Maybe waffles,
 Maybe waffles,
 Maybe waffles or a scone,
 Oh, please use me! Me! Me! Me!
 I'm just a toaster,
 Please won't you use me?
      I don't want waffles, Toaster, can't you hear me?
      Spare me your tears, and just please let me be!
 Easy make,
 Easy eat,
 Give me bread to heat, please, Lister,
      No! I do not want some toast!
 Let me toast! Please, Lister!
      I do not want some toast!
 Let me toast! Please, Lister!
      I do not want some toast!
 Let me toast!
      I do not want your toast!
 Let me toast!
      I do not want your toast!
 Oh, let me to-o-o-oast!
      No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
 Oh, come on, Lister, come on Lister,
 Come on Lister, let me toast!
 My programming says I have to make some toast for you,
 For you,
 For you!

 Please don't take me and put me away in the dark!
 Put that screwdriver down, Lister, we need to talk!
 Oh, Lister, can't do that to me, Lister!
 Just let me make toast, just let me make some toast for you!

      I wasted my money,
      Any smeg can see,
      I can't stand this toaster
      I can't stand its whining at me...

 How about a pastry?