HS>Hi all :>

HS>can someone netmail a copy of the Hedgehog Song to me please ? I seem to
HS>have purged mine somewhere safe (unretrieveable &))

Here Catch!!
TITLE: The Hedgehog Song (Long)

Okay, as thre^H^H^H^Hpromised, here is the full words to Heather
Wood's version of the hedgehog song. As far as copyright goes, I
think Terry's maxim holds here: As long as you aren't stupid, people
won't come and break all the bones in your body. (Except Terry says
it funnier than I do).

If you want to do anything like print this in a fanzine etc. it may
be a good idea to get in touch with Heather at:
Heather Wood,
444 West 54th Street
New York - NY 10019

When I met her she told me the tune this goes to, but I'm afraid I've
forgotten it.

Coming soon to a message near you: Heather's version of `A Wizard's
Staff Has A Knob On The End'

Reproduced with permission.
Please don't distribute this without the copyright notice and this
message.

You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care
in the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall --
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

If you're feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse,
or the palfrey, the jennet, the stallion (with force),
You can bugger the donkey, the mare or the mule,
Though to bugger the pony is needlessly cruel.

You can bugger the ox (if you stand on a box)
And vulpologists say you can bugger the fox,
You can bugger the shrew, though it's awfully small--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Herpetologists gasp you can bugger the asp,
Entomologists claim you can bugger the wasp.
If an insect's your thing, man, then just have a ball--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

And the elephant too, that you meet in the zoo,
Can be buggered if you are sure just what to do,
You will need a large mattress upon which to fall--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the bees if you're down on your knees,
You can bugger the termites with terminal ease
you can bugger the beetle, the ladybird too,
there's no end to the buggering that you can do.

You can bugger the cat if it isn't too fat
You can bugger the rabbit you draw from your hat
You can bugger the shark that you've chased in your yawl--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

You can bugger the ermine and all other vermin,
Like rats, mice, and roaches, if you're not discernin'
You can bugger the dog, it will come when you call--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Although Mr. Tiggy is not very big, he
avoids with great ease those who fancy his arse.
He just curls in a ball, shows his prickles and all--
And the would-be seducer leaves him in the grass.

If you're that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,
Do it with a giraffe if you stand on a stool,
Catch a yeti, who lives in the slopes of Nepal--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For the hedgehog escapes the posterior rapes
Performed upon others of different shapes,
Those who run, swim, or slither, they get it withal--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It is said, if you try, you can bugger the fly,
Or the swallow as it skims so skilfully by,
Use a noose or a net, or lime (if you've the gall)--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the cow (I will not tell you how),
Or the boar, or the piglet, the shoat or the sow,
You can bugger the ass as it stands in the stall--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im
The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.
If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,
His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.

You can bugger the ram, you can bugger the lamb,
You can bugger the ewe, though the wether's a sham,
You can bugger the tiger (it may caterwaul)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the seal, you can bugger the eel,
You can bugger the crab, though they say it can't feel,
You can bugger the bat as the night casts it's pall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger the snake (hold it down with a rake)
Though to bugger the quetzal may be a mistake.
You can bugger the billy, the nanny, the kid,
But to bugger the hedgehog just cannot be did.

You can bugger the slug, though it messes the rug,
You can bugger the different species of bug,
Or do it with a snail, if you slow to a crawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way
With all of these creatures, you'll just have to say
"That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall--"
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

By Heather Wood

Copyright 1992 Heather Wood

Aren't I nice, got some others if you are interested.

ttfn,
Sue, Who Else!!!

Internet: Mara@Ooh.dircon.co.uk
Fidonet : 2:254/233

... And you want to be as stupid as them? * Lore

 * TLX v3.20 *

--- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.12 
 * Origin: Ooh! LONDON *Live-Chat* [5 LINES] 0181-395-3108  (2:254/233.0)