Psychiatric Hotline Voice Mail

RING...RING...click

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that
the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to
bite off your ear.

(Short, but humerous. If anyone ever gets access to a psychiatric
voice-mail, do it, but don't blame me for any consequences. Send me an
email about what happened if you want. Or just make up what happened. If
you left the country. Or something.)

bobfish@arcticbb.demon.co.uk