CHOICE GRAFFITI FROM THE WATERING HOLES OF THE COUNTRY
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"Evidently Celibacy is not hereditary..."

"Preserve Nature.....pickle a squirrel"

"A short bedtime story.....'NO!!'"

"VD, like herrings, can be cured; but I wouldn't like it for breakfast"

"Being circumcised is no skin off my nose..."

"Why has an elephant got four feet?..."
 "....he'd look pretty silly with 6 inches..."

"Save fuel....get cremated with a friend"

"There's no future in existentialism..."

"The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere"

"If you manage to keep your head when all around are losing theirs,
 you don't understand the situation..."

"Skinheads have more hair than brains!"

"Easter's been cancelled.....they found the body"

"Come home Oedipus, all is forgiven....(Mum)
 over my dead body! (Dad)"

"Give Masochists a fair crack of the whip"

"Neo-Nazism is a national affront"

"If the government is getting up your nose....PICKET"

"One thing about masturbation - you don't have to look your best"

"Pornography is literature - to be read with one hand..."

"Necrophilia is being laid in your grave..."

"Maggie Thatcher's form of compassion is like cannibals on a
 health kick eating only vegetarians"

"Make your M.P. work....don't re-elect him!"

"Penicillin....for the girl who has everything"

"If you see an unattended bag...
 go up and chat her up!"

"Two people in every one are schizophrenic..."

"The difference between Lady Di and a difficult baby....
 one of them chucks Farleys...."

"I like Sadism, necrophilia and bestiality.....
 do you think I'm flogging a dead horse??"

"My older sister is trying to diet.....
 my younger one is dying to try it"

"I hate graffiti on walls but it's great with bolognese sauce"

"Support wild life....hold an orgy today!"

"If men wear jock straps, do women wear fan belts??"

"Was King Kong the original urban gorilla?"

"Regent's Park toilet is a Zulu"

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous"

"Mutate NOW!....and beat the rush"

"Eat shit!....50 million flies can't be wrong!"

"Keep death off the streets.....drive on the pavement"

"Nationalise crime......make sure it doesn't pay"

"My mate works for Cunard..."
"My mate's a brickie....he works hard as well..."

"Anti-social diseases are a sore point"

"Recent medical reports reveal that50% of British women have TB, and 50%
of British women have VD. The solution is simple: sleep with women who
cough"

"Get really stoned....drink wet cement"

"A woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is
aiming a little too high..."

"If you were a gentleman you wouldn't have done that!"
"If you were a lady you wouldn't speak with your mouth full!!"

"Oral sex is a matter of taste"

"Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down"

"Ears pierced while you wait"

"Virginity is just a bubble on the stream of life:
 One prick and it's gone forever"

"Prevent disease - avoid warm, damp women"

"A woman who wants to be like a man lacks ambition"

"Definition of an intellectual -
 someone who can listen to the Willliam Tell overture
 without thinking of the Lone Ranger"

"V.D. is nothing to clap about.."

"Love thy neighbour.....regularly!"

"What do Captain Kirk and soft toilet paper have in common?
 They both wipe out klingons..."

"Earn cash in your spare time....blackmail your friends"

"What do durex have in common with a torpedoed battleship?
 they're both full of seamen that don't stand a chance"

"Why not buy 144 contraceptives and be grossly oversexed?"

"Preserve a tree this weekend....eat a beaver"

"Thank God I'm an atheist!"

"I know a gynaecologist who decorated his hall through the
 letterbox..."

"Cut out the middle man - shit in the Thames"

"Cut out the middle man - pour your beer down the toilet"

"Chastity is its own punishment"

"Gay liberation is a pain in the arse..."

"What's got a hazlenut in every bite?
 Squirrel shit"

"A legless tramp is a low down bum"

"Success is like smoking dope....
 the more you suck the higher you get"

"The English make the best lovers but the Japanese make them
 smaller and cheaper"

"Since using your shampoo my hair has become alive....
 Yours, Medusa"

"I have a serious drink problem....I can't afford it!"

"Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got..."

"If people from Hemel Hempstead get haemorrhoids, do people
 from Poland get Polaroids?"

"When the bottom has fallen out of your world, take Milk of
Magnesia and watch the world fall out of your bottom"

"Keep Britain Tidy.....kill a tourist"

"A bird in the hand....shits on your wrist"

"What goes in dry, comes out wet and gives warm satisfaction?
 A tea bag"

"Power corrupts.....but absolute power is even more fun"

"I knew an Irishman who invented an ejector seat for his helicopter..."

"Would the last person leaving the country switch off the lights?"

"Mini-tampons for sale - for a short period only"

"My mother made me a homosexual...."
"(if I gave her the wool would she make me one too?)"

"The most useful Tory is the Lava"

"Masturbation is copulation without representation"

"God is alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project"

"The best things in life are free, but the government are working
 on the problem..."

"Beauty is in the groin of the beholder"

"Everything was so different before it all changed..."

"Womens Lib is making him sleep on the wet bit"

"There are two things in this world that smell of fish -
 and one of them is fish"

"Big women die young....that's why there are so many little
 old ladies around"

"A van mounted the pavement outside Mary Whitehouse's flat so she
 threw a bucket of cold water over it"

"I am bi-sexual...if I can't get it I buy it"

"Prostitutes in leper colony complain as trade drops off"

"Oral sex is a taste of things to come..."

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease"

"The happy motorist is the one with flies in his teeth"

"Is there intelligent life on Earth?
 (are you crazy? Do you think I'd live HERE?)"

"Some men are like Summer....without any warning they come
 suddenly and then disappear for a year"

"When Thatcher came to power the country stood on the edge
of a great economic precipice. Since then, we've taken a giant
leap forward..."

"Who was born in a stable and had a fanatical following of 
millions? - Red Rum"

"If light sleepers go to bed with the light on, what do
hard sleepers go to bed with?"

"Seduction is the art of genital persuasion"

"That the pill can stop unwanted pregnancy is a popular misconception"

"Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination"

"Using Durex is like picking your nose with rubber gloves"

Sign on college cafeteria door:  "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria"
Underneath, someone had written: "Socks can eat wherever they want"