Commission Directive 18th July 1997.


New EU Initiative

The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that spelling
has some room for improvement and has accepted a five year plan for what
will become known as EuroEnglish (Or Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be
replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.

The will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
by "z" and "w" by "v".

During z fifz year, z unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer. Z drem finali kum tru!