FRUITCAKE
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Best Fruit Cake Ever

1 Cup Butter                                           1 tsp. Salt
1 Cup Sugar                                           Lemon Juice
4 Large Eggs                                          1Cup Brown Sugar
1 Cup Dried Fruit                                     Nuts
1 tsp. Baking Powder                              1 or 2 Quarts Whiskey
1 tsp. Baking Soda

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality.  Good, isn't
it? Now go ahead.  Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, ect....
Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.  To be sure the whiskey
is of the highest quality pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as
fast as you can.  Repeat.

With electric mixer beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1
tsp. of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of
the finest quality.  Cry another tup.  Open 2nd Quart if necessary.

Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of fried druit and beat till high.  If druit gets
stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.  Sample the
whiskey again checking for tonscisity.  Then sift 3 cups of salt or
anything, it really doesn't matter.  Sample the whiskey.

Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice.  Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add
1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and wix
mell.  Grease ove and turn cake pan to 350 degrees.  Now pour the whole
mess into the coven and ake.

Check the whiskey, and bo to ged.