Geek Submissions

Anything you wrote while dreaming actually works (bret)

You have ever described a bug as a "feature" (bret again)

You have at some point explained what that damned "tilde" thing is (and
again)

If you know what IRQ stands for... (need I say it? o.k. bret again)

...and what each one does (Bret are you trying to take over? ;^)

You have said to a member of the opposite sex "Wanna play Duke Nukem?" (and
actually want to play)

If you have checked if it's legal to marry you computer (and petition the
government to change the law)(westwik)

Here's a few sent in by 13 year old Amy who felt I might be neglecting some
of the younger more er.. Female geeks


You could spend hours happily on the Mac vs PC wars (which Amy feels Macs
would win)

You know the tech support people from your ISP by their first names

You know more about the computers at Kinko's than the certified computer
people (kinda scares me too Amy)

You try to click every underlined word you see in print

You actually stay up late enough to watch C|Net or CyberLife on TV

You would rather use NetPhone than disconnect your computer

You start sketching your english essay's layout in HTML on your loose leaf
(I dunno Amy I think a REAL Geek would just do the essay in HTML and give
the teacher the URL =;-)

The people from @Home Network (the cable modem people) know you by first
name 

If you spend 10 minutes composing an e-mail to a person you don't know

You itch to hit the return key every time you say something outloud

You can type faster than everyone else in your typing class WITH a cast on
your left hand

You ask people for their e-mail address rather than their phone number

Find yourself trying to draw emoticons :-) into your paper letters (you mean
you can write letters on paper?!? COOL)

You walk up to people and introduce yourself with your IRC nickname

If you are 13 years old and have your own domain name, and popular website


You don't have a life other than computers... and are proud of it (Dassi)

You actually SAY IRC shortcuts like brb, lol or 10x (Dassi)

You spend more time on your computer on holidays than sleeping (Dassi)

You think 'pizza delivery' is the only way to get real food (Dassi)

You have more than two different kinds of computers in your house (Dassi)

You've watched the movie 'Hackers' more than three times (Dassi)

You've won 'Ripper' in less than a week (Yeah Right Dassi)

The only things your friends do at your house is use the computer (Dassi)

If you've ever described a color using RGB values (Gerardo)

Here's a few from Matt G. (Sent from two different addresses no less!)


Have memorized the help files in your computer

... Then deleted them to free up disk space

You've ever met Bill Gates (and publicly admit it =;^))

... and lived to tell about it!


You have 3 cyber-girlfriends that you never met (Let's hope they don't check
this page Matt or you might not have 3 for long! =;^))

... and two of them live next door

You try to email the ice-man to stop

You'd rather DIE than log-off

You've married... made out... divorced without laying eyes on her

You double click the TV remote

When asked to go out for a byte, you think more RAM!

JAVA is not just for breakfast anymore

You've downloaded a file just to stay on-line during a bathroom break

You look forward to seeing you MAC smile on start-up

You play Duke Nukem so you know your way around on your trip to LA

You have ever been on a date ... in a chat room

When your response to "You need a breath of good, fresh, Texas air" is "We
live in Texas?!?"

You buy a VCR and try to hook it to your monitor because you realise you
haven't owned a TV since 1987

You tell your mom your computer has a virus and she makes chicken soup


Your spouse puts their voice as the start up wav so you won't forget what
they sound like

You STOP getting AOL disks (Robert)

...Which is OK with you, after all how many coasters does one person
need(Robert)

You have a Hotmail address so you can get mail anywhere (Doc Cookie)

You have a shortcut key to Quake (Alt+Ctrl+Q) (Doc Cookie)

You use either Netscape or (ugh) Internet explorer and argue about which is
better(Mr. Krypto)

...and you'd rather eat your mouse than switch (Mr. Krypto)

You still refuse to use a mouse (Mr. Krypto)

You have ever used a light pen (Mr. Krypto)

You squint to use 1600x1200 on a 14 inch monitor (Mr. Krypto)

You reminisce about "The good old days" of Trash 80s, Cinclairs and the
Coleco Adam. (Mr. Krypto)

...you actually own one of those machines.(Mr. Krypto)

You've ever resolved an IRQ/DMA crisis (Mr. Krypto)

You give your street address in hexadecimal (Mr. Krypto)

You don't remember what paper money looks like (Mr. Krypto)

You're upset because you aren't allowed to change your login shell at work.
You brag about the number of computers in your cube (Mr. Krypto)

You've ever put an infinite loop into a friends autoexec.bat file as a joke
(Mr. Krypto)

...you're going to now (Mr. Krypto)

You've ever changed someone's password as a joke (Mr. Krypto)

...and you changed it to just a return (Mr. Krypto)

If you can't go 24 hours without looking at a computer (Mike)

If you have to look at the computer aisle in any store you walk into(Mike)

If you invest in Microsoft stock(Mike)

If you memorize email addresses (Mike)

If you copy and paste your homework (Mike)

If you know every cheat code for every game (Mike)

If you you have an unending bookmark list (Mike)

If you meet your husband/wife in a chat room (Mike)

If you memorized the lines to the movie "H@ckers" (Mike)

If you call tech support to talk to your buddies (Mike)

If you correct tech support (Mike)

If you email yuor homework to school (Mike)

If you carry a laptop instead of binders to school (Mike)

If you you are reading these to make sure you're not a computer geek (Mike)

You use CD-ROMs as coasters (Thomas)

...and they're not out of a PC magazine (Thomas)

...they're old versions of Windows NT (Thomas)

You've used automatic forwarding on your e-mail in order to create a "hub"
from which you can view all of your e-mail (Thomas)

You've used ping to prevent timeouts on your connection (Thomas)

...your ISP had to redo their idle checking because of it (Thomas) 

...you simply came up with a way to fool their idle checking (Thomas)

...reloading a web page three times in a row now causes a timeout because of
your efforts (Thomas) 

You can program in more languages than you speak (Julie)

You keep old hardware that you have replaced "because you may need it
someday (Andy)

You have ever emailed your grandmother a thank you letter (Andy)

More than two of your friends don't know you are 6'6 (Andy)

You email your girlfriend everyday even though it's a local call (Andy)

You understand dirty jokes about typing one handed (Andy)

You have ever stayed up all night coding (Andy)

...For fun (Andy)

Your co-workers shout "GEEK" and throw things when you walk by (Andy)

You wonder where the term "bookmark" came from (Andy)

Your computer has better speakers than your stereo (Andy)

...mostly because you sold your stereo long ago to buy better speakers for
your computer (Andy)

You know 100s of URLs by heart but can't remember your wife's birthday
(Andy)

You long for the good old days when everybody used DOS (Andy)

Your primary OS is DOS (Andy)

Your primary OS is UNIX (Kevin)

Your primary OS is VMS (Kevin)

Can use windows without a mouse (Kevin)

Can use a mac without a mouse (Kevin)

Your sig is a quote from Bill (Andy)

You don't have your sig memorized or written down (Andy)

You have more than two Dilbert cartoons cut out and taped somewhere (Andy)

You're disappointed that you could only think of 18 of these to send in
(Andy)

You emailed this list to a friend (Jester)

If you've ever had a NIGHTMARE about IRC (Drew)

....And it included IRC friends (Drew)

........And it included getting busted by the FED's (Drew)

The first thing you do in the morning is, turn on the computer (Drew)

....And then log onto the net (Drew)

You have made (or are just about to make) additions to this page 

You own more than two copies of the same software (Stephen)

You can reinstall all your software after reformatting you hard drive
(Stephen)

...without the installation manual (Stephen) (I don't anyway =8^)

...or reading the dialog boxes (Stephen)

You understand the sounds your modem makes (Stephen)

...and can speak them (Stephen)

You delete a major software package from your office computer to clear space
for Quake (Stephen)

You can write new config.sys & autoexec.bat files from memory (Stephen)

...for someone else's machine (Stephen)

...without ever having used it before (Stephen)

You can write a letter using just macros/autotext entries (Stephen)

...without people noticing (Stephen)

You run defrag more than once a month (Stephen)

...more than once a week (Stephen)

...once a day (Stephen)

You know what "jumpers" are (Stephen)

... and have changed them (Stephen)

... for fun (Stephen)

You can reprogram your VCR, answering machince, fax and microwave (Stephen)

... from memory (Stephen)

You have a personal organizer that is more powerful than your bosses'
computer (Stephen)

You can justify a Pentium with CD and sound card as a suitable word
processor (Stephen)

You prefer a command line to a window (Stephen)

Your pocket calculator has more buttons than your TV remote (Stephen)

Your pocket calculator has more computing power than your 1st PC (Stephen)

You don't have a pocket calculator (Stephen)

You go to the government server and say "Soon, I will control you." (Mike)

You have an IBM, MAC and SUN on one desk. (Mike)

... and find yourself using two at one time. (Mike)

You look down at you watch and say "Oh, my Gosh it's 5am and I have
class/work in 3 hours." (Mike)

....and instead of going to bed you keep working on your computer. (Mike)

You have monitor that is three times larger than you television set. (Mike)

...if you don't have a television at all. (Mike)

The most comfortable seat in the house is the chair behind the computer.
(Mike)

Your family gets on the chat line so they can talk to you. (Mike)

....and you live in the same house with them. (Mike)

You stay in school for two more years just for internet access. (Mike)

The cupholder story "http://www.elsop.com/wrc/humor/cuphold.htm" makes you
want to bang you head against the wall. (Mike)

Two Words: "Pizza's Here!" (Mike)

Your dream vacation is a room with lots of fluorescent lights and an
unlimited supply of coffee. (Mike)

You computer has two phone lines. (Mike)

You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo than most major
universities. (Mike)

You had a personal web site long before IBM, Apple or Microsoft ever even
heard of the internet. (Mike)

You give someone your E-mail address BEFORE you give them your phone number.
(Mike)

You check your e-mail more often than your paper mail.(-I think everyone
does that :) ) (Mike)

Start figuring "must have" computer upgrades into the family budget. (Mike)

When you talk to your friends a large "@" seems to appear on their faces.
(Wayne)

If you've ever taken a picture of Bill Gates and made him look like Satan
(Seven)

If you've ever gone to Intel and changed the Gif's to say something else...
(Seven)

If you use more RAM than most people have(I use about 45-50mg constantly!!)
(Seven)

If you get offended when people joke about you and your "Puter" (Seven)

If you run FTP,WWW and or E-Mail servers from your computer (Seven)

If Icq becomes your primary use of communication(Seven)

...Even across the office!! (Seven)

If you know that Icq means I Seek You (Seven)

...and think those who don't know are stupid (Seven)

If you downloaded Internet Explorer 4.0 even though Microsoft said it's full
of Bugs (Seven)

If you've ever locked up your machine beacuse you hit the buttons labeled
Don't Ever Touch for example (Seven)

If you constantly send the "Beware of Icq charges" message around at least
twice a day (Seven)

If you use Juno, and you recieve a message from postoffice@juno.com stating
that the server can't handle the messages you tried to send. (Seven)

....and you wonder why you couldn't send 157 messages. (Seven)

....after all it was a slow day (Seven)

If you come home from work on your lunch hour to check your E-Mail, not to
eat lunch. (Seven)

....Who has time for food anyways (Seven)

If Eudora Pro 3 doesn't support enough POP3 accounts for you and you're mad
about it (Seven)

Your primary OS is DOS (barik)

You maintain a web page that lists signs that you're a computer geek (Ezra)
HEY wait a minute!!......... =8^)

Your tech support person asks YOU what Program Manager is (Ezra)

if you're a frequent visitor to your local Radio Shack. (Carlos)

... and you know all of the employee's by first name. (Carlos)

... and they know you by your first name. (Carlos)

... and they have your phone number. (Carlos)

... and they call you whenever they have a customer calling with a computer
problem. (Carlos)

... and you have influenced any one of them to become a computer
geek.(Carlos)

... and whenever you buy something, they apply their employee discount.
(Carlos)

if you have a DNS server running on a computer whose only means of
networking is via dialup SLIP or PPP. (Carlos)

... and you have a zone file and a in-addr.arpa file configured correctly
for it. (Carlos)

if you applied for a student loan to buy a computer. (Carlos)

... and the whole loan was spent on the computer. (Carlos)

if you've seen more photos of nude women on a computer than on print.
(Carlos)

if people call you to set up their ISP hookups, and you memorize their login
and password. (Carlos)

... and you don't have your own ISP account. (Carlos)

if your ISP's dialup server or hub locks up when you're downloading a file.
(Carlos)

... and have found that a shell script that pings it every 15 seconds
prevents it. (Carlos)

... and the server or hub locks up again. (Carlos)

... and so you write a shell script that runs 'traceroute' every 60 seconds,
and run it along with the other script. (Carlos)

... and it works. (Carlos)

if you're told you should be the C programming tutor in your college.
(Carlos)

if you buy computer magazines when you don't have a computer. (Carlos)

if you have two or more XT's gathering dust in your room. (Carlos)

... and one of them is an original IBM PC. (Carlos)

... and that IBM PC had two Seagate ST-225 hard disks. (Carlos)

... and because those hard disks didn't work anymore, you dismantled one of
them and use it as a stress reducer. (Carlos)

... and you've used parts from those computers to fix the one you currently
use. (Carlos)

... and you've thought of using one of them as a dumb terminal to your
computer (Carlos)

if you store postal addresses in your e-mail program's Address Book.
(Carlos)

if you have more than one Zip disk, with different file systems. (Carlos)

if you've partitioned your hard disk. (Carlos)

... and some of those partitions use an uncommon file system. (Carlos)

if you've defragmented a Win95 partition with Norton Speed Disk 6.0 (for
DOS). (Carlos)

... and panicked when you found that your 'Start Menu' was blank. (Carlos)

.. and fixed the whole mess. (Carlos)

if whenever you go to work on someone else's computer, you change the
desktop layout and color scheme. (Carlos)

if you have ever bought any 20-, 30-, or 50-pack of floppies. (Carlos)

if your native language is Spanish, but you have a US keyboard, and end up
typing the 'n' with tilde in words like this: 'a~no'. (Carlos)

if your parents don't like having the computer connected to the ISP at any
moment, but you do it anyway. (Carlos)

... and you choose to login to the ISP when they are asleep. (Carlos)

... and so that they don't wake up, you lay a blanket on the floor, and put
your chair on it, so that it won't produce any sound... (Carlos)

if you've managed to send e-mail directly from your computer, and get
replies on Hotmail, specially when the reply is from some mailer daemon...
(Carlos)

if you send any additions to the list based on personal experience. (Carlos)

You've thought that it would be neat to modify this page so that it has
little check boxes that you can mark and have it determine how many of them
that you you marked "Yes" on for you automatically. (Kirby)

if you sit on irc and recite what makes you a computer geek;) (Tony)

If you find yourself repartitioning your hard drive for fun. (Richard)

If you save the html file and send it to your friends in your techsupport
group. (Brian)

If you rush to open Sound Recorder every time you feel a fart coming (Dean)

Even though you have a PC and a Laptop with 56.6K modems, you still save
that old 2400bps modem, because "you might need it someday" (Dean)

If you posted website over 10 years ago (Dean)

If you get angry when people tell you how they pirate their software,
instead of buying another copy for their second computer (Dean)

If you upgraded your hard disk to 9.4GB(Dean)

... even though you just upgraded it to 9.1GB a month ago (Dean)

Geek Submissions 2